Scottish Beasties
The Pensive Grouse

By nature, grouse are bird brained creatures but the Pensive Grouse is unique. He is a thinker and loves sharing his 'deep' thoughts with everyone. Sadly, sitting on a wood ants' nest doesn't help his mood. Talk about ants in his pants ...

  • The PG says :- How can you tell when you run out of invisible ink ?

     

  • The PG says :- Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled !

     

  • The PG says :- Faeries are like slinkies ...

     

  • The PG says :- Faeries are like slinkies ... not really good for anything but fun to watch as they tumble down a hugmahush !

     

  • The PG says :- You can learn a lot from Bampots ...

     

  • The PG says :- You can learn a lot from Bampots ... like how much patience you have, for instance !

     

  • The PG says :- Why are the meanings of the terms 'wise man' and 'wise guy' different ?

     

  • The PG says :- Always remember that you are unique ...

     

  • The PG says :- Always remember that you are unique ... just like everyone else !

     

  • The PG says :- Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.

     

  • The PG says :- Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad !

     

  • The PG says :- What is a 'free' gift ?

     

  • The PG says :- What is a 'free' gift ? Aren't all gifts free ?

     

  • The PG says :- Bampots are sent to Bampot School to become wits.

     

  • The PG says :- Bampots are sent to Bampot School to become wits. They only ever get half way through !

     

  • The PG says :- If you re-arrange the letters in 'The earthquakes' you get ...

     

  • The PG says :- If you re-arrange the letters in 'The earthquakes' you get ... 'That queer shake' !

     

  • The PG says :- So what if I can't spell 'Armageddon' ?

     

  • The PG says :- So what if I can't spell 'Armageddon' ? It's not as if it's the end of the world !

     

  • The PG says :- Here's a riddle. If you have it, you want to share it but if you share it, you don't have it. What is it ?

     

  • The PG says :- Here's a riddle. If you have it, you want to share it but if you share it, you don't have it. What is it ?

    Answer :- A secret !

     

  • The PG says :- Why do Humans play in recitals and recite in plays ?

     

  • The PG says :- Always keep your words soft and sweet ...

     

  • The PG says :- Always keep your words soft and sweet ... just in case you have to eat them !

     

  • The PG says :- Whoever says that the small things don't matter ...

     

  • The PG says :- Whoever says that the small things don't matter ... try sleeping in a room with a Midge in it !

     

  • The PG says :- Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word ?

     

  • The PG says :- Some cause happiness wherever they go ...

     

  • The PG says :- Some cause happiness wherever they go ... others, whenever they go !

     

  • The PG says :- A day without sunshine is like ...

     

  • The PG says :- A day without sunshine is like ... night !

     

  • The PG says :- Never forget ! Today's mighty oak was yesterday's little nut ! 

     

  • The PG says :- To get lost in thought ...

     

  • The PG says :- To get lost in thought ... the only place Bampots have never strayed !

     

  • The PG says :- Is a terminal illness when you are sick at the airport ?

     

  • The PG says :- The word 'Listen' contains the same letters as the word 'Silent' !

     

  • The PG says :- Bampots learn that there are 25 letters in the alphabet ...

     

  • The PG says :- Bampots learn that there are 25 letters in the alphabet ... they don't know why !

     

  • The PG says :- If you rearrange the letters in 'Astronomer' ...

  • The PG says :- If you rearrange the letters in 'Astronomer'... you get 'Moon Starer' !

  • The PG says :- Half the Beasties I know are below average !

  • The PG says :- Why did the Sheemach shout and stamp his feet after losing the only manuscript of his novel ?

  • The PG says :- Why did the Sheemach shout and stamp his feet after losing the only manuscript of his novel ? He'd lost the plot !

  • The PG says :- Never play 'Hide and Seek' with a Peking Duck !

  • The PG says :- Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh.

  • The PG says :- Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together ?

  • The PG says :- How much higher would sea levels be if sponges didn't live there ?

  • The PG says :- If a boar loses its voice, does it become disgruntled ?

  • The PG says :- What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs ?

  • The PG says :- What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs ?

    Shake hands ! (What else could it have been ???)

  • The PG says :- If a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds ?

  • The PG says :- Why is a Calendar always nervous about the future ?

  • The PG says :- Why is a Calendar always nervous about the future ?

    Its days are numbered !

  • The PG says :- What do you call a chicken crossing the road ?

  • The PG says :- What do you call a chicken crossing the road ?

    Poultry in motion !

  • The PG says :- A bicycle cannot stand up by itself because ...

  • The PG says :- A bicycle cannot stand up by itself because ... it is too tired !

  • The PG says :- What do you call a man who is half way through his front door ?

  • The PG says :- What do you call a man who is half way through his front door ? Hamish (Hame 'ish) !

  • The PG says :- If you rearrange the letters in 'A decimal point' ...

  • The PG says :- If you rearrange the letters in 'A decimal point' ... you get 'I'm a dot in place !'

  • The PG says :- The early bird may get the worm but ...

  • The PG says :- The early bird may get the worm but ... the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap !

  • The PG says :- Two silk worms had a race.

  • The PG says :- Two silk worms had a race. It ended up in a tie !

  • The PG says :- Did you hear about the wee fortune teller who escaped from prison ?

  • The PG says :- Did you hear about the wee fortune teller who escaped from prison ? She was a small medium at large !

  • The PG says :- If you rearrange the letters in 'The eyes' ...

  • The PG says :- If you rearrange the letters in 'The eyes' ... you get 'They see' !

  • The PG says :- When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say ?

  • The PG says :- What do you do if you have strawberries growing on your head ?

  • The PG says :- What do you do if you have strawberries growing on your head ? Put some cream on them !

  • The PG says :- If a dog gives birth to puppies in the street ...

  • The PG says :- If a dog gives birth to puppies on the street ... can it be arrested for littering ?

  • The PG says :- If you rearrange the letters in 'eleven plus two' ...

  • The PG says :- If you rearrange the letters in 'eleven plus two' ... you get 'twelve plus one' !

  • The PG says :- Can you be scared half to death three times ?

  • The PG says :- 99.9% of midges give the rest a bad name !

  • The PG says :- What is the speed of Dark ?

  • The PG says :- If a Boar tells a funny story ...

  • The PG says :- If a Boar tells a funny story ... can he still be described as a bore ?

  • The PG says :- Light travels faster than sound ...

  • The PG says :- Light travels faster than sound ... which is why Bampots appear bright until you hear them speak !

  • The PG says :- If a grouse runs in front of a car, it gets tired.

  • The PG says :- If a grouse runs in front of a car, it gets tired.  If a grouse runs behind a car, it gets exhausted !