If a Boar tells a funny story ... can he still be described as a bore?
Getting older is easier than getting wiser!
If a grouse runs in front of a car, it gets tired.
If a grouse runs behind a car, it gets exhausted!
Light travels faster than sound ...
... which is why Bampots appear bright until you hear them speak!
What is the speed of Dark?
99.9% of midges give the rest a bad name!
Can you be scared half to death three times?
If you rearrange the letters in 'eleven plus two' ... you get 'twelve plus one'!
If a dog gives birth to puppies on the street ... can it be arrested for littering?
What do you do if you have strawberries growing on your head?
Put some cream on them!
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
If you rearrange the letters in 'The eyes' ... you get 'They see'!
Did you hear about the wee fortune teller who escaped from prison?
She was a small medium at large!
Two silk worms had a race. It ended up in a tie!
The early bird may get the worm but ... the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap!
If you rearrange the letters in 'A decimal point' ... you get 'I'm a dot in place!'
What do you call a man who is half way through his front door?
Hamish (Hame 'ish)!
A bicycle cannot stand up by itself because ... it is too tired!
What do you call a chicken crossing the road?
Poultry in motion!
Why is a Calendar always nervous about the future?
Its days are numbered!
If a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds?
What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
Shake hands! (What else could it have been???)
If a boar loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
Half the Beasties I know are below average!
How much higher would sea levels be if sponges didn't live there?
Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?
Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh.
Never play 'Hide and Seek' with a Peking Duck!
Why did the Sheemach shout and stamp after losing the only manuscript of his novel?
He'd lost the plot!
If you rearrange the letters in 'Astronomer'... you get 'Moon Starer'!
The Pensive Grouse says…
By nature, grouse are bird brained creatures but the Pensive Grouse is unique. He is a thinker and loves sharing his ‘deep’ thoughts with everyone. Sadly, sitting on a wood ants’ nest doesn’t help his mood. Talk about ants in his pants …